Steamed Hams but it's a Naruto fanfic
by Leo The Evil
Summary: I'm surprised nobody did this yet! Anyway, The 7th Hokage invites Sasuke to dinner and wants to impress the Uchiha by cooking the meal himself. But when Naruto's roast gets ruined, he comes up with a delightfully devilish plan. Also, Naruto is a terrible husband.


Sasuke Uchiha rang the doorbell of the apartment of the 7th Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto himself went to get the door…

"Well Naruto, I made it… despite your directions…" Sasuke said with his usual emotionless face…

"Ah, Sasuke! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon dattebayo!" Naruto said with a friendly smile…

"Meh…" Sasuke said while walking in, as usual not caring much, and sat at the table, leaving the bottle of sake he had brought on the bucket of ice at the center…

Meanwhile Naruto went to the kitchen, only to find the oven emitting a large cloud of smoke. Naruto made a big gasp before he rushed to the oven and opened it, only to find that the roast he was cooking for Sasuke was on fire…

" _Oh egad!_ My roast is ruined dattebayo!" Naruto exclaimed…

Then, Naruto looked over the window of his apartment, from where he could see the Ichiraku Ramen store…

"But what if… I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? …Hmhmhmhm… Delightfully devilish dattebayo" Naruto said with a mischievous smile…

And so, Naruto opened the window and was about to jump off when Sasuke suddenly opened the kitchen door and saw Naruto with his leg over the windowsill…

" _Narutoooooo!_ " Sasuke shouted sternly…

"Sasuke! I was just… uh… just stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric training! Care to join me?" Naruto made up a lie on the spot…

"Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, narrowing his hawk-like eyes…

"Uh… Oh! That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmmmm, steamed clams dattebayo!" Naruto said while rubbing his tummy as if to indicate how delicious the meal was going to be…

Sasuke gave Naruto a suspecting glare, but nevertheless went back to the table…

"Phew!" Naruto exclaimed while wiping the sweat from his forehead before taking his chance to jump out the window. It didn't matter that the apartment building was several stories tall because he was a ninja and knew how to use his chakra to land unharmed from that fall…

A little while later, Naruto came back from the kitchen door with two bowls of ramen from Ichiraku…

"Sasuke, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering ramen dattebayo!" Naruto said…

"I thought we were having steamed clams…" Sasuke replied as coldly as ever…

"No, no! I said 'steamed rams'! That's what I call ramen dattebayo!" Naruto blatantly lied…

"You call Ramen 'steamed rams'?" Sasuke said in a skeptical manner…

"Yes! It's a regional dialect dattebayo!" Naruto replied…

"Uh-huh… Of what region?" Sasuke asked…

"Uh… the Land of Fire" Naruto answered…

"Really? Well, I'm from the Village Hidden in the Leaves and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed rams'…" Sasuke said…

"Oh! Not in the Leaf Village, no. It's a Kohaku Village expression" Naruto invented…

"I see…" Sasuke said calmly…

Both men started eating their ramen…

"You know? This ramen is quite similar to the one they have in Ichiraku Ramen" Sasuke said…

"Oh-ho-ho-ho! No…" Naruto laughed nervously. "Patented Uzumaki Ramen! Old family recipe dattebayo!"

"For steamed rams…" Sasuke said, the cold look in his eyes still showing skepticism…

"Yes dattebayo!" Naruto said with a smile…

"Yeah, so you call it 'steamed rams' despite the fact it's obviously boiled" Sasuke said…

"Y-Yeah… You know… One thing I should… excuse me for one second dattebayo…" Naruto said nervously before he got up from his seat and went back to the kitchen…

Only a half-second after entering the kitchen Naruto walked out, yawning and stretching in an unconvincing manner, pretending to be tired, while a bright red-hot light emanated from inside the kitchen…

"Well, it was wonderful! Good times were had by all! I'm pooped dattebayo!" Naruto said, making a smile as if nothing were happening…

Sasuke looked at his wristwatch and got up from his chair. "Yes, I should be… _Good Buddha!_ What is happening in there?" Sasuke suddenly shouted with a shocked expression while pointing at the red-hot light coming out of Naruto's kitchen…

"…Aurora borealis dattebayo?" Naruto quickly made up a lie on the spot…

"…Aurora borealis?" Sasuke said, squinting his eyes while glaring at Naruto. "At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the Shinobi World? Localized _entirely within your kitchen?_ " Sasuke shouted with increasing exasperation…

"Yes dattebayo!" Naruto said calmly with a smile…

"May I see it?" Sasuke asked, suddenly as calm as ever…

"…No" Naruto replied…

The two ninjas walked out of Naruto's house like nothing happened…

" _Naruto-kuuuun! The house is on fire!_ " the voice of the Hokage's wife was heard from inside the house…

"No, Hinata! It's just the northern lights dattebayo!" Naruto shouted calmly towards the inside of the house…

"Well Naruto, you are an odd fellow, but I must say…" Sasuke said with his usual cold expression, but then it became a little smug smile. "…you steam a good rams"

Sasuke then started walking away…

" _Heeeeeeeeeelp!_ " Hinata screamed…

Sasuke turned around, surprised. Naruto just smiled and gave him a thumbs-up to indicate everything was alright. Sasuke then just resumed walking away while Hinata continued to scream for help. Only when Sasuke was gone did Naruto rush back into the house to deal with the fire…

… _ **The end.**_


End file.
